I have a confession...I am overwhelmed and worrying. I know that means that I am struggling with trusting God. Pick a topic..any topic! I know that is not good and what God's word says about worrying. Father, help my unbelief.
I look around to what is happening in the world and how it's getting crazier by the minute. My heart breaks for the families torn apart from hatred and violence...both here and globally. My heart longs to go and and hug those 9 year olds who were taken by ISIS and abused and love on those women who lost everything. The "we need justice!" side of me wants to go and kick some butt. Or be the cheerleader for those that actually can. :)
Two countries have gone bankrupt and there is talk about a retail apocalypse. Rene' and I might already be there...where have all the shoppers gone?!? There is little to no value for human life. We take so easily. Take what we have not worked for or think we are owed. We take others dignity.
I couldn't sleep last night and I was remembering the first day I taught preschool. I don't know why I was remembering that. Lord, have mercy! It was not pretty. There were about sixteen 3-year-olds and it felt like a hundred. There was crying..chaos..moms not able to leave. I was standing in the midst of that and wondering what the heck was happening. I wanted to sit on the floor and just give up and cry with the kids. I think we all felt like this was not what it was promised it would be and wanted to run! My brother said something, I don't remember what, but it got through, and I bucked up and survived that first day. On a side note, I ended up loving the four years teaching pre-school! My kids rock!!
I learned how to teach preschool through trial-by-fire. How many times in my life, and yours, have you walked through a time we felt ill equipped for? How many times has God stood next to us in the fire? To be tried by fire is to test your ability to perform under pressure.
When you are in the fire you can come out extra-crispy or refined. We have a choice when we face the fire in our lives, be refined: free from impurities, coarseness, vulgarity, precise, exact. OR we can be burnt and bitter. We walk around smelly and taking away from all God did for us. We are not looking or acting like the person we were created to be.
What do people see when they look at us?
In my life, God has used these times to root out the ugly, mean things that lived in my heart. Things that stood in opposition to Him. Things that did not represent Him well.
Pintrest is filled with ideas and how-to's on making new stuff look old or making the old stuff into something new. You can scrape and paint and decorate an old piece of wood, but it doesn't change what's under all that paint and decoration.
It's not about covering what I don't like about myself and pretending to be someone different. It's about real, life-shaking change.
God is all about change. From hate to love. From insignificant to valuable. He starts with what's in us and works it out. When I was younger I wanted to change the world. I wanted to make a difference. God wanted to change me. I felt we had a conflict of interests! I eventually got it: God changes us so we can impact the world we walk around in every day. It wasn't the grandiose idea I had.
Life happened. Missions, marriage, kids, ministry, jobs, family, hurts, joys, disappointments, success, dreams crumbling and dreams flourishing. God changed me.
Change needs to happen in us first. Only then will we love one another. Only then will we value another person's life, opinion (even if we don't agree) and treat others with dignity and respect.
The world we live in may be chaotic and scary but I am choosing to believe God. I find comfort in the heart of God towards me. Read Psalm 91!
All my love ~
xo Jodi
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