Hey you guys! What a crazy few months 2016 has started with. 2015 was the "year of the family" for us and we survived some major milestones. (see my last blog) The "year of family" was amazing, exhausting and...still happening and...will always be happening in one way or another. This year I got the word "launch" for our family. I'm excited to see what each of us will be launched into.
So, that got me thinking..what am I going to be launched into? What is ahead of me? Where do I fit? What are some dreams or things I want to do?
Fredick Beuchner said, "Listen to your life."
Henry Blackaby said, "God invites you to join Him in the work He is doing around you."
What is my life telling me? What has God put before me to do? I'm a list person, so I made a list.
What has God put before me? My family. The biggest place I serve is my family. I'm still the mom and I am still "mommin'". Then work, church and community. Sadly, the last thing I get to is the things I would like to do. I'm working on changing that. I wrote this blog! Baby steps. Say a prayer..I need it!
"Mommin'" is hard. Here's the truth...it never gets easier, just different. I was overwhelmed when they were little. I was overwhelmed when they started school and had activities I was running them to. I was overwhelmed when they started driving and making decisions and choices that I couldn't control. Now my "littles" are "bigs" and having littles of their own...overwhelming..great..weird.
There have been moments, even seasons, in my life that I wished were different. I wasted energy and time dreaming about how I thought life should be a certain way, why it wasn't that way, and how great it would be if it was that way. Not every season is fun, but every season is necessary. God is in every season and wants to do amazing things in you and through you.
Levi Luso said, "Pain is a microphone. Don't be selfish with your pain. Don't waste a single drop of the precious anointing oil that the crushing circumstances of life have produced."
Circumstances and people will bring pain and disappointment into our lives. Our choice is to become wounded and shut down OR to listen to our life, join God and use our pain as a microphone to declare how big and faithful our God is.
I meet with my neurologist every 6 months. My appointment in February was hard. Dean was sharing how he has seen a decline in me. I knew I saw it, but it was devastating hearing him say it. There hasn't been big flare ups and as of my last MRI there were no new lesions. It will be just this steady decline and not bouncing back as easy. We made the difficult decision to get a handicapped parking prescription for me, just for when I really need it. Man, this is really hard to share. As long as I didn't talk about it, I can pretend it's not happening. We do that, don't we? Hide our pain and shame, and pretend it's not there. Get busy, stay distracted. I know that in the quiet, honest, raw pain, God will meet us. He has me, time and time again.
Last week was a hard week for me. The reality of my MS and Lupus hit hard. I was scared what my future would look like. Would I be here for my family? I don't want this to be my normal. I want to go back to what I could do before.
But this is my life. This is where I am right now. I don't know why it's this way and I don't like it but... I trust God to be with me and my family. I will continue to serve my family and what God puts in front of me until I can't, then I will grieve, cry and make new adjustments.
Instead of comparing our life to someone else's, let's embrace where we are at. Be teachable to what God wants to do in us and be open to share with others, so God can work through us.
What is your life saying to you? Make a list. Join God where He is working around you.
Thank you for letting me pour out my heart and listening..reading. ;)
You have, as always, all my love
~ JB xo
"...and surely, I am with you always, to the very end of the age." Matthew 28:20
